*

...just another girl who costarred?
they're gonna wrap you up in cornsilk.
they're gonna cry like you were spilled milk.
-rhett miller

2004-06-291:05 a.m.

cops. what if there was a show called "civilians" humiliating cops at the basest level possible? the way they do the people they "protect and serve."

we saw "fahrenheit 9/11" this weekend. we tried to go friday night in richmond and it was sold out, so we saw it saturday afternoon. i wasn't so mad about driving all the way down to the "closest" theatre 5 towns over and having it be sold out. i was just glad so many folks were seeing it. the movie wasn't all that surprising. it was entertaining, clever and slightly educational, but the experience for me was really about the spectacle of watching a michael moore film in a mainstream theatre with mainstream america (if you can consider the bay area mainstream america)...and it's not to say that i am so radical, subversive, or "non-mainstream--" i know i am much less those things that i strive to be, but still...to be among people that might possibly get politicized because of it, and to be among my fellow bush-hatin' americans was just a great morale booster. i left feeling something, and that i haven't felt, about the movement, about what i can do as one person, in a long, long time. he should have talked about the airport screeners though.

i just got back from the long winters/decemberists at the great american. we ate at the tenderloin "naan and curry." phil, sean, mary ling and i ate some yummy orange colored chicken thing i can't pronounce but promised myself to remember it ends in "sala" for when i go to the new one in berkeley. saw elisabeta from the wrecked list. i think it's neat to see people at shows over a period of years, with some vague understanding of what's going on in their life and just watch them grow over the years...i was sad that sean was no longer w/them. the keyboard, the bouncing hair and the enhanced witty banter w/john was missed. but good for him to going back to harvey danger. even though i never liked hd. and even though john is plenty funny without him, too. i can't wait till they headline next spring. oooh, and ken stringfellow will be in town in august w/oranger. and hopefully the old 97s come. and austin city limites fest...sigh. who can make plans though?

my brother, his wife, the girlies and my sister are in maui. i didn't know what to do with myself this weekend. i usually spend my weekends and weeknights that i can over there, if not obsessively thinking about him, and focusing any ounce of psychic abilities i ever had on shrinking the tumors inside his body and visualizing him, years and years from now saying "i was this close." i want my brother to see me get married, i want to pick his name from a hat for cris cringle again and have christmas with him, i want him to see me become a teacher, i want to learn to golf and go golfing with him. i want him to have a 50th wedding anniversary, i want him to see gabbie and bella go to school, go to proms, go to college, get married, i want him to play with his grandkids.

my brother is an amazing man. i am imagining him, as my sister called and recounted for us, trying to snorkel and getting knocked down by the waves. i am imagining how angry he must be, that only last year, he was going sea kayaking on the north shore, eating malasadas, and climbing diamond head...i'm angry. it's not fair.

he told me once that he was not afraid to die. i don't want to think about those things. at least not in the front of my mind. i hope he is having a good time with his wife and kids and my ate.

i hope he is well where he is, having good days and good nights. he's had enough bad ones. i hope he has a good break from his suffering. i hope he comes back rejuvinated.

i believe in miracles.

bout to give this girl a shout

>>back in the day>>
>>i'm not a kid anymore>>
>>but somedays i sit & wish i was a kid again>>

"i don't want the world, i just want your half..."
-they might be giants

>>>leave your mark on me / [?uestbook]>>>

* me love you long time *
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