*

...just another girl who costarred?
they're gonna wrap you up in cornsilk.
they're gonna cry like you were spilled milk.
-rhett miller

2004-08-0912:25 a.m.

i bit into a mouth puckering, saliva drying persimmon today. it was strange to have a sort of instantaneous chemical reaction going off in my mouth and kind of exhilirating, too. extraordinary. i guess i'm easily entertained these days. i thought maybe my throat might close up and i'd have some sort of attack that a bee sting might cause. nope. just needed to rinse. i read on the internet that children trick their friends into biting into unripe persimmons. poem worthy.

my brother may be getting out of the hospital tomorrow. this has been agony seeing him in so much pain. his spirit though, amazes me. my family amazes me. the love and support we all have for each other reaffirms that we'll all get through this one way or another, and that in life ahead, there is going to be many more bumps, no, fallen drawbridges and unforeseen tornadoes...and that love and hope and faith, which i am still trying to get ahold of, will get us through. that's the thing about life and love and relationships, and blood. like my brother said, "no one said it was going to be easy." he's right. no one ever said that. you just have to go through sometimes, when there's no getting around, and take the journey for what it is. gather lessons and strength where you can because it doesn't get easier down the road. i don't mean to stifle my life by bracing for the worst. i need to work on enjoying the many happinesses i have in my life--but happiness is such a precarious situation. it could end at any time. sadness, struggle, pain, those things are more comfortable, because they can only go up.

anyhow, the new job is interesting. it feels good to work hard and get an end product, while at the same time feeling removed enough from the work to keep my eye on the prize. it is some small reward to still be working in education although my work isn't exactly what i want it to be. i was thinking about ms.morehouse's classroom and the volunteering i was doing there at balboa and how that was the most complete and faithful i'd felt in a long time. i am chomping at the bit to get back in there.

sigh. i remember this time at the north shore of oahu last spring, i was getting washed and dried by the waves, my chest dragged against the sand and just when i'd get up i'd get dunked again. it's sort of felt like that lately. and the love i have from everyone around me, and mostly, from my boyfriend, have really gotten me through this. he is truly amazing. i don't know how he holds it down, but he's just a fucking amazing man. between balancing school and me and his family and my family and just being a good person, he just really holds it down. he keeps surprising me. i am so lucky to be building my life with him. yes, blessings counted.

bout to give this girl a shout

>>back in the day>>
>>i'm not a kid anymore>>
>>but somedays i sit & wish i was a kid again>>

"i don't want the world, i just want your half..."
-they might be giants

>>>leave your mark on me / [?uestbook]>>>

* me love you long time *
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