*

...just another girl who costarred?
they're gonna wrap you up in cornsilk.
they're gonna cry like you were spilled milk.
-rhett miller

2003-08-2111:44 a.m.

i've been dining at the karma cafe and i'd like to see the fucking bill. i mean, i did the crime, i'm willing to do the time, but if i just had a ballpark figure of what's left on my tab, it'd be more tolerable. okay, end of pity party.

aya and i have been arguing about the peace corps. she said the peace corps is no different than the military. it's hard to argue with someone when you don't believe in anything, which i don't. i have no morals, no concept of good and evil, just remnants of a guilt ridden catholic brainwash and my guts to go on these days...i don't see how teaching people to use condoms and giving them condoms, which could save their lives is equivalent to bombing them, not providing them access to resources like medicine or education, or raping them. i am not saying i'm not an idealist, i am not saying i'm not a realist, i just don't know. and it drives me nuts that i can't pick any side to be on or defend. in the end i wonder if it doesn't matter. i think capitalism needs to run its course and that there's no stopping it really.

there has to be something new under the sun, there's been armed struggle, infiltration, imperialism, colonization, etc. when it comes down to it, my opinion of humanity isn't very lofty. i think everyone is generally hypocritical which in most of the circles i'm in is the revolutionary equivalent of mortal sin. even che guevarra cheated on his wife and had an ego out to there. everyone is human. i think being self important is critical to survival, the self is the only thing that sticks with you wherever you go, wherever you run. if people can benefit, hell if whole countries and generations can benefit from your self-importance, i see no wrong in it. bah. the most interesting thing i've heard these days came from the mouth of a genius with no ingenuity...he has fabulous ideas though: creating a culture of transparency, building a revolution through a corporate, but transparent structure. like getting fucked in the ass but being able to watch it in the mirror. i don't think that could even save us from the state of denial our society is in.

i AM envious of those that live under the illusion of having a meaningful life.

signed, a pessimistic worldist humanist with no beliefs...

in other news, i'm reading "ash wednesday" by ethan hawke. i'm giving it a chance. even though it's ethan hawke. a bit pretentious, a bit contrived, but it's an easy read. he writes somewhat like he acts. like an american.

bout to give this girl a shout

>>back in the day>>
>>i'm not a kid anymore>>
>>but somedays i sit & wish i was a kid again>>

"i don't want the world, i just want your half..."
-they might be giants

>>>leave your mark on me / [?uestbook]>>>

* me love you long time *
friendster / salgado / kookamonga / john / les / old 97s / pbj time / jerms / tim / christopher / angelien / streets of sf / la filmmakers / open the light / agent cb / squelched / stare / cainer / salon / elisabeth / nerve / tao / rhett / poetic dream / verse / rotten tomatoes / pinay / half / squidlist / sfstation / whitehouse dot org / onion / spark / cl /hyphen / torch / mindtrick /wetzoolamb / blackfire / thirdrail / bindlestiff /