*

...just another girl who costarred?
they're gonna wrap you up in cornsilk.
they're gonna cry like you were spilled milk.
-rhett miller

2004-06-306:52 a.m.

i got up to work out at 5:30am. here i am, 10 to 7 and probably going to be late because i got stuck reading torch's blog. whywhywhy.

my sister had a dream she was carrying my brother on her back, and then his little one asked to get on and when she went to put her on her back, my brother was gone. somewhere in maui, my brother has been in a hospital while on vacation. he has stayed for 2-3 nights and was scheduled to fly back today. my mom told me to keep my cell phone on. last night i felt like i couldn't breathe. last night, i told my boyfriend i didn't know where to put my head. he has been so wonderful through all this. he is such a good man. i don't know what i'd do or where i'd be without him.

i thought of all the times i wanted to die in the past few years and how ridiculous i was to want to die, or even just say it. life is a luxury in this world. i have to remember that. no matter what the bullshit, materialistic, consumerist, shallow, individualist, capitalist media wants us to believe and adopt. we need each other. and we need to live meaningful lives.

i worry about my brother and his wife and kids and then us, and everyone is trying to be so strong, so as not to cause a chain reaction. i am not really sure what i feel and i worry what's bubbling below the surface. i cry out of the blue. i have guilt for crying. i try not to think about it. i think about it. i just want him home, or at least happy, or peaceful. i don't want him feeling scared, or angry or in pain...

6:59. shit.

i made peace with a friend the other day that i had a falling out with 3 years ago. i was so happy. i thought that i had lost her forever.

ack. gotta meet jen at the park 'n ride...

bout to give this girl a shout

>>back in the day>>
>>i'm not a kid anymore>>
>>but somedays i sit & wish i was a kid again>>

"i don't want the world, i just want your half..."
-they might be giants

>>>leave your mark on me / [?uestbook]>>>

* me love you long time *
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